I’ve come to the conclusion that I may be a little crazy.
Wait, come back! Let me explain…
I’m usually minding my own business, watching a show or halfheartedly listening to a conversation within earshot (no, I’m not eavesdropping) and then suddenly I hear something that makes me think, “WTF”. This I’m pretty sure is normal. We all have those moments when you think “what the fuck did I just see?” “what the fuck did I just hear” and the general conundrum that causes our brains to short curcuit with a general “What the actual fuck” error.
The aforementioned aren’t what I’m worried about. It’s the one sided mental monologue I seem to have with the person responsible for the fuckery that has me questioning the level of my sanity. Do I need to book myself in or something?
The inciting incident
I’m not much of a TV watcher. I think that compulsion died around tenth grade and ever since then I’ve been too busy to actually follow anything unless the season is complete (except Game of Thrones. I’m not even trying to hear anybody who doesn’t get it). I actually have a To-Be-Watched pile that is at the point of never-going-to-happen. However, one show in particular managed to capture my attention. This means that I was following what was going on instead of using it to counter the white noise of silence as I put in those late night hours to get things done.
Million Dollar Listing New York
If you know what I’m talking about, GREAT! If not then here’s a brief synopsis:
A reality show centered around three of New York’s top real estate brokers as they work their magic to close deals on million dollar listings.
Uhm… I guess the title is pretty apt. Okay, I’ll throw in some graphics and character descriptions to make up for my lame description.
- The top broker of the show
- Renowned for his high kicks and facial expressions during meetings with clients
- Owns his own multi-national real estate company in Europe
Basically, this guy is at the top of his game. I should be watching with a pen and paper because as eccentric as he is, he is as sharp as they come. Nevermind that he was a porn-star for a week (yes, my nosy ass googled the vids)
- He’s not the best but he has some skin in the game
- Proves that charm is actually a tool you should have in your business arsenal
- Quite witty in his sense of humour (his saving grace)
- Acted in a soapie I’ve never heard of (refused to google this one)
Ryan, Ryan, Ryan… He starts of as the king of douchebags but then he kind of grows on you
like a fungus, like a weed? You grow to like him. There.
Luis D. Ortiz
- Puerto Rican
- Starts off as the rookie of the show
- Very high energy that is simultaneously infectious and exhausting
- This guy is the man that proves that if you want something bad enough you’ll make it happen (he worked as a janitor at one point so no excuses!)
Luis is my favourite, duh and not simply because he’s the best looking and best dressed. He is the ultimate underdog and at times it was just painful watching him endure (read go through a lota bullshit) some of the challenges he was faced with.
Where are you going with all of this?
Well these people are responsible for the deluge of monologues I’ve been having. I even got to a point where I asked myself what alternate reality they live in. These are my WTF moments in no particular order because my brain can’t compute any of them.
#WTF 1: Showing up at someone’s open house/broker’s open to steal their clients
#WTF 2: Allowing a co-lister to spend thousands on marketing on a house you sold days ago
#WTF 3: Allowing a client to practically make you his bitch (walk my dog, pick up my laundry, no I can’t be bothered to use your name I’ll just call you ricky)
I know they’re trying to make money but at what point do you draw the line?!
#WTF 4: Insulting someone based on their accent: “balalalala it’s hard to hear anything when you talk so fast”
#WTF 5: Condescending someone based of their physical stature
#WTF 6: “I’m the american dream and you’re just a cheap shiny import.”
Personal attacks are below the belt. I can’t. I just can’t even…
#WTF 7:Shoving a pocket square into someone’s mouth
#WTF 8: Pouring green tea over the person confronting you for your lack in common decency to make a courtesy call saying, “Hey, I sold the house. Pull the plug on whatever it is you’re doing on your end.”
#WTF 9: Sending a snake wrapped as a gift
#WTF 10: Treating women as play things
As informative and interesting as the show is, I had to hit pause and take several minutes to collect myself.
I’ll let you mull over these in the chambers of your own mind.